(no subject)

[allthekeys]

[The handwriting is graceful, each letter almost art in and of itself]

As winter chill dims northern sky,
and summers warmth drifts into dreamer's eye,

Where words become naught but memory,
and love brings only newborn misery,

Where new crisp air cries for remembered warmth,
And loss lingers to close to remember peace,

Death is ever the dearest friend,
and life a distant, unwavering foe,

Hope seems hard to find,
Here where light dims to night,

But shadow might prove the truer goal,
Than distant lady in tower of bright,

We must gather and forward go,
Or else what glitters shall not be gold,

Only truth can unlock the path....

Comments

[whiteofcrime]

Awesome.

[ He has no idea what the point of the poem is but this is like writing riddles all over again. Even if this one is rather sad. ]

It seems like you want conflicting imagery in each line, am I right?

[allthekeys]

Indeed.

[whiteofcrime]

[ His writing grows messier as he gets more into the exercise. ]

Then for the next one, you might do better if you replace 'warmth' with 'heat' because there's no rhyme for 'warmth'.

So 'where crisp new air cries for remembered heat'.

And then the next one:

[ Across the adjacent pages are a heap of scrawled words which rhyme with 'heat'; it's him brainstorming phrases that might work. Amongst the mess, he underlines 'loss may greet/meet' but then his writing abruptly stops.

Ugh, this is hard. ]