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[The handwriting is graceful, each letter almost art in and of itself]

As winter chill dims northern sky,
and summers warmth drifts into dreamer's eye,

Where words become naught but memory,
and love brings only newborn misery,

Where new crisp air cries for remembered warmth,
And loss lingers to close to remember peace,

Death is ever the dearest friend,
and life a distant, unwavering foe,

Hope seems hard to find,
Here where light dims to night,

But shadow might prove the truer goal,
Than distant lady in tower of bright,

We must gather and forward go,
Or else what glitters shall not be gold,

Only truth can unlock the path....

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[ A response in this messy scrawl comes some time later. ]

That's a really nice poem. Is there a reason some lines rhyme but others don't?

Consider it a work in progress.

Want some help with it? I'm not a poet but...

Help is always welcome.

Okay, the first two lines are fine but the next two aren't that great. 'Memory' and 'misery' end on similar syllables but that's not enough to really... pack a punch, you know? At least in my opinion.

It'd be better if two-thirds of the words rhymed. Like 'memory' and 'emery' or 'misery' and...

[ Erm. ]

I can't actually think of a rhyme for misery. >_< But do you see what I'm getting at?

But does that preserve the theme?

No, it doesn't. It's probably easier to reword the lines completely and use a word that's got more rhyming options.

Or you could do something like...

'From memory words fade unto obscurity,
And love grows tainted with sad impurity'

Does that keep the theme you want or no?

Sadly, yes.

Awesome.

[ He has no idea what the point of the poem is but this is like writing riddles all over again. Even if this one is rather sad. ]

It seems like you want conflicting imagery in each line, am I right?

Indeed.

[ His writing grows messier as he gets more into the exercise. ]

Then for the next one, you might do better if you replace 'warmth' with 'heat' because there's no rhyme for 'warmth'.

So 'where crisp new air cries for remembered heat'.

And then the next one:

[ Across the adjacent pages are a heap of scrawled words which rhyme with 'heat'; it's him brainstorming phrases that might work. Amongst the mess, he underlines 'loss may greet/meet' but then his writing abruptly stops.

Ugh, this is hard. ]

Edited (WRONG 'MEET') 2015-11-03 02:59 (UTC)

[the reply is written in clearly feminine, "girly" handwriting; while the i's are no longer dotted with small hearts and the loops are quite as excessive, anyone who might have seen claire's handwriting before will likely recognize it as, at the very least, being similar]

... any chance we can get the cliff notes explanation for those of us who suck at poetry?

Edited 2015-10-31 15:39 (UTC)

What are you seeking?

Is that the explanation of the poem or are you asking me?

[And this? This is why Claire hates poetry.]

It could be either. Do you have an answer?

Edited 2015-11-01 13:39 (UTC)

Let's see. I am seeking answers and I'm guessing most everyone else that's been brought here is, too.

Sounds about like how I felt when I was in here last.

Not that here looks anything like it did then.

[a few minutes later, realizing the author can talk back]

Is this the same place, or just the same management?

Edited 2015-11-01 21:01 (UTC)

Some answers cannot be given and must be found.

That's ok. I remember how it goes. Just thought I'd ask.

About the poem, though - it really does sound familiar. Death is a friend and life wants to fight you.

Are you writing for yourself, or just in general?

A work progress, I'm afraid. Getting the thoughts out of my head.

Dark thoughts. I like bright ones better.

Light is dark, and dark is light.
Even in the darkest shadow,
There will always be a little light.

There's never reason to give up hope, I think.

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